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  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Endurance Ride Websites
    • Free Web Pages for Ride Managers
    • Autumn Sun Pioneer
    • Pine Tree Pioneer
    • Cariboo Gold Rush Express
    • Eagle Canyon Endurance Ride
    • Top O The World Pioneer Ride
    • Idaho IronHorse Challenge
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Learning to Walk

2/17/2020

4 Comments

 
I didn't go to any rides last year. I couldn't. I am going to tell you why.

My horse wasn't fit, because I wasn't fit to ride. There wasn't anything wrong with me, exactly, but everything was wrong around me. ​
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After nearly 15 years of my career (the kind that earns a living, not my endurance career), I found myself the target of a campaign to make me go away. It was about politics. It was about money. It was about a special interest group that didn't want me doing the job I was hired to do. 

Ugly doesn't cover it. Defamation ran rampant, culminating in accusations ranging from incompetence to illegal activity. Powerful people believed the story without checking the facts. 

I had my friends, of course. People who knew the truth. But there's no stopping a runaway train. 

It was't that I didn't ride. I did. I rode for hours. But my mare and I didn't condition. We walked.

Sometimes, I listened to music or a podcast. But mostly I just rode, shell-shocked, listening to the wind and feeling the sun and staring at a world that would never look the same.

A few years ago, I had a big, strong, fit horse. We were getting top-tens and BCs and completing hundreds. We had our eyes on Big Horn, then Tevis. Walking was not in our vocabulary. When forced by footing or slope to cool our heels, we did so with reluctance, gritting our teeth until we could fly again.

But last summer, I lacked the energy to trot, let alone compete. Slowly, mile by mile, month by month, I learned to let go of what should be and accept what is.

People don't always behave ethically. The truth doesn't always win. This ain't the movies, darlin', and sometimes the bad guys get their way.

Sometimes, walking is enough.

At Christmastime, I walked away. From the job, the lies, the money, the strain. I spent January in Death Valley, walking some more. Through slot canyons. Across salt flats and painted hills. Through the stunning debris left by waters that used to roar and now have gone.

Then I came home. And saddled my horse.

We trotted today, but it's early season and she hasn't done a 50 since late 2017. So we also walked. Down the hills, through the sand, up the steepest climbs. The wind sang. The sun embraced. And walking felt every bit as right as speed.

There's a saying that sticks in my head, repeating itself on a loop I need to hear: Light in the leg, soft in the hands; ride the horse and not your plans.

It's not just about horses, is it?

​It's about life.

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4 Comments
Kimber2020
12/26/2020 10:28:52 pm

I hear every word you wrote down to my core. It is shocking how much I can relate and comforting at the same time. Even though my story is different, it drained me just as much. Life took us on a crazy roller coaster ride and we learned our lessons. But we landed on our feet and started to walk forward again. Step by step, slowly. We are heading in the right direction. I am so glad we have our horses. The best therapists ever. Trust and give them the reins, they bring us home. Always. Let's ride my friend. Simone

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Jodeile
12/27/2020 07:44:41 am

I just found your Water in Winter story. What a gift. I have been “hypothangry” part of most days of 2020... over things that happened in 2019. 2020 has actually been a buoy of respite for me, I am ashamed to say. It has been a relief not having to deal with extended family under the guise of quarantine.
I am so thankful to have found this story and hope I can use the reminder along the way in 2021. Thank you.

Reply
Tamara
12/28/2020 08:33:00 am

Me too!! I also found the solitude of 2020 to be a much-needed retreat. It gave me time to really sort through things and recover without having to project an image of being okay, you know? I hope your sky is clearing. Hugs.

Tamara
12/28/2020 08:30:02 am

I guess it's true what they say about the hardest parts of life being what make us our wisest and best. Looking back, would I change it? I don't know...but shockingly, maybe not! Hugs, my friend. Let's do go ride.

Reply



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    Welcome

    Thanks for dropping by! I'm an endurance rider in the northwest region of the United States. This blog is about distance riding, training, and the practice of being my best self for my horse. I hope you'll come along for the ride.
    ​~ Tamara

    For more of my story, come visit the About page.

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